


Oh, I Envy

by xuxiblu



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends Kim Hongjoong & Park Seonghwa, Established Choi San/Park Seonghwa, Hurt Kim Hongjoong, Hurt No Comfort, Kim Hongjoong is Bad at Feelings, Kim Hongjoong is Whipped, Kim Hongjoong-centric, M/M, Oblivious Park Seonghwa, One-Sided Attraction, Soft Park Seonghwa, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29376726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuxiblu/pseuds/xuxiblu
Summary: Hongjoong fell in love with Seonghwa.Seonghwa fell in love with San.Now, Hongjoong is heart broken.
Relationships: Choi San/Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	Oh, I Envy

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to i miss you by mxmtoon for added effect if you'd like

"Hongjoong!" Seonghwa smiled and latched onto the smallers shoulders, "So, you know how you helped me confess to San?" Hongjoong nodded and gave a forced smile, "You're a fashion god, help me choose an outfit. He asked me out on a date." Seonghwa giggled through his words and Hongjoong followed him back to his dorm room.

He waved as Seonghwa went off to go meet with San, shutting the door and leaning his head against it. Tears ran down his cheeks and he could feel his heart breaking even more. Why exactly? Hongjoong was in love with Seonghwa. But Seonghwa was with San now. And Seonghwa had crushed on San since the start of middle school. Hongjoong was just his best friend. That's all he was to Seonghwa. Just a friend. Sure, Hongjoong helped Seonghwa get with San, but that's all he wanted. He just wanted Seonghwa to be happy. He wanted to give Seonghwa the world and all it had to offer. He wanted to see the stars shine in the others eyes, be the reason he gave that beautiful smile that made Hongjoong's heart melt every time he saw it. Hongjoong wanted to be the reason Seonghwa got all giddy and excited, to be the reason for his laughter. He wanted to give Seonghwa all he had to offer, and yet here he was setting Seonghwa up with someone who already did all that even though it cracked his heart more and more.

The boy slid to the floor and cried harder. Each time Seonghwa talked about San or even hinted to him all it was was a reminder. A reminder of what he lost and could never be his. Maybe is he had said something earlier he could've had Seonghwa. Maybe he could be in San's position. Be the luckiest person to exist. God, he'd do anything to be in San's spot. Hongjoong wiped his tears and smiled to himself. As long as Seonghwa was happy. It didn't matter how much pain Hongjoong went through. If Seonghwa was happy, Hongjoong was happy.

He went to his dorm room, flopping on his bed and hugging his pillow. He scrolled through his phone for what felt like hours before passing out. It was a bit after midnight when he felt his hand move and something get put on him. He woke up to find Seonghwa plugging in his phone and putting a blanket over him. He groaned and sat up, "Sorry. Go back to sleep. Don't mind me." Seonghwa flashed a smile and gently pushed Hongjoong back down only for him to sit up again. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. Seonghwa giggled a little and Hongjoong could feel his heart flutter, "You have horrible bed head."

"How was the date?" Seonghwa shook his head and pushed Hongjoong back down.

"Don't worry about my date. I'll tell you after classes tomorrow. Go to sleep idiot." Seonghwa smiled and dropped the blanket over Hongjoong's head, placing a kiss where the other forehead would be before going to his own bedroom. It's safe to say Hongjoong didn't sleep or a few hours after that. He reminded himself over and over that Seonghwa was just a friend, and yet such a small and platonic kiss did wonders to his heart.

All day he was smiley, the small kiss crowding his mind. He didn't care though. Seonghwa wasn't as affectionate as he was before San and Seonghwa were a couple. He walked into his room after classes and seconds later Seonghwa had come in, "Hongjoong."

"Yeah?" Hongjoong hadn't looked up, organizing his homework from what would take the quickest to finish to longest.

"Guess what happened last night?" Oh. The date. If he was honest, Hongjoong completely forgot Seonghwa went on one. His smile faltered a bit but he sat down and turned his attention to his childhood friend.

"On the bed. You're gonna go on and on aren't you?" Seonghwa sat on the bed and stomped his feet, shaking his fists from excitement, "What happened? You're only this excited when something really, really good happened." Seonghwa couldn't stop smiling and nodded frantically.

"He kissed me." Hongjoong's eyes widened and his lips parted slightly, swallowing hard. Seonghwa immediately stopped his movements, "Are you ok Joong?" Seonghwa furrowed his brows. Was he not supposed to kiss San? It was the first date but he really loved him..

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. Just surprised me. You two only went on one date, didn't think you'd kiss that fast." Hongjoong tone was bubbly and full of false happiness. Hongjoong gave a playful smirk and folded his legs in his chair, "Congrats. You two seem really cute together. It's like god made you two for each other." Hongjoong bit his tongue to keep from crying. Seonghwa smiled and rolled his eyes.

"Maybe. Jeez, imagine if we're actually meant for each other. What if we're soulmates Joong?" Seonghwa was looking to the floor and smiling to himself at this point, almost lost in his own thoughts.

"Wouldn't be too surprising.." Hongjoong turned to start on his homework. Seonghwa took notice and stood up.

"I'll let you do your work." Seonghwa gave him and back hug and waved as he left the room, "I'm going out, mk? Text or call if you need anything." Hongjoong hummed and Seonghwa shut his door, leaving him to be alone. Hongjoong took a deep breath and almost banged his head against his desk. Even if he did need something he wasn't gonna text or call. He didn't want to risk ruining San and Seonghwa's relationship. They were perfect together and Seonghwa? Goddammit. Seonghwa was so, so happy. And Hongjoong was terrified of ruining it. He didn't want Seonghwa to worry over him. Seonghwa had someone. Hongjoong didn't want to seem like he was trying to keep them apart. Hell he helped Seonghwa and San get together, why would he try damaging them? 

Days had passed and Hongjoong had locked himself in his room. If he didn't talk to Seonghwa, maybe he'd forget about him. They just needed to forget the other existed. And Hongjoong needed to get over his love for his best friend. If he didn't see him, he couldn't hurt. Simple as that. Seonghwa had knocked on his door a few times each day to check in on him. He was worried about him. He hadn't seen Hongjoong face-to-face in four days and each time he knocked he was met with silence and each text he was left on read. Seonghwa was on his bed and dialed San, his lover picking up instantly, "Hey baby, what's up?"

"Sannie can you come over? You remember Hongjoong right? He locked himself in his room and I'm really worried..." Seonghwa stared at his own door and bounced his leg, "Please?"

"Has he never done this?" Seonghwa shook his head and hummed, "Yeah, I'll be over in a few minutes. I'm with Wooyoung at the store right now. When we're done I'll be there."

"Thank you." Seonghwa hung up and left his room. He knocked on Hongjoong's door once again, "Joong? Are you ok?" No response, "Joong, San is coming over. We want to help you, please. Open the door Hongjoong." Minutes had passed and Hongjoong finally opened the door.

"San doesn't need to come over. Everything's fine. I just.. I want to be left alone." Seonghwa pulled Hongjoong from his room.

"You're crazy. We've been friends since we were six and not once have I seen you like this. What's wrong? Did something happen?" Hongjoong didn't answer and instead took to hugging himself, "Hongjoong you know you can tell me. Please. San and I are willing to help you."

"Neither of you can help with this."

"Why can't we help? Hm? Why can't either of us help you?"

"Because you just can't. Ok?" Hongjoong's tone became more aggressive. Seonghwa scoffed and neither heard San come in and shut the door.

"Hongjoong I'm not gonna sit here and not be allowed to help you. You're my friend. I care about you. I'm not going to let you push me away." 

"Well what if I don't want to be your friend? Ever thought of that?" Seonghwa's eyes widened and he became speechless. San stayed hidden by the door, figuring he shouldn't intrude. Seonghwa felt tears run down his cheeks and Hongjoong finally looked at him, "What if I don't want to be friends Seonghwa?"

"What are you saying? D-did I do something?" Seonghwa's voice cracked and Hongjoong looked just as hurt as he did, "Hongjoong.."

"I don't want to be friends Seonghwa. I want to be what San is. I set you two up, I know. But what if I want what he has? He has you Seonghwa. What if I want you too? What if I want to be the person who makes you smile and laugh and get all excited and happy? What if I want to take you out and make your eyes light up? I want you to be happy Seonghwa. I really fucking do. But I can't do this anymore. I want to be with you and seeing you go out and seeing how happy San makes you hurts because I want to be that. I want to make you that happy. Everytime you talk about him you look so in love and it's so obvious he's your world and it hurts. I don't want to cry thinking that maybe if I had told you how much I loved you earlier then maybe you'd be mine." Hongjoong had broken down and full out was crying, "I want to give you the world but you already found your world. You said it yourself, what if you two are soulmates? I'm just the side character who fell for the main character, but the main character fell for someone else." Seonghwa was taken back and the light tears had stopped.

"Oh Hongjoong.." Seonghwa cupped his face and wiped his tears as the boy broke even more at Seonghwa's touch.

"I'm tired or breaking everytime you touch me because I can't be the one to make you happy.. I can't be San. I don't want to be jealous anymore because I didn't act earlier." Hongjoong choked out his words and Seonghwa pulled him in for a hug. Hongjoong hugged him tightly, "I don't want to cry anymore Hwa."

"I'm so sorry Joongie. I'm so, so sorry. You know I can't see you like that though. I do love you, but.."

"Only as a friend." Hongjoong finished his sentence as Seonghwa's voice trailed off.

"I'm sorry." Hongjoong pulled away from the hug and saw San.

"You should get going. Text me when you're on your way home." Hongjoong went back to his room and locked the door. Seonghwa turned to see San.

"You heard all of that, huh?" San simply nodded and the two left to give Hongjoong space. Hongjoong was laying on his bed, face down into a pillow. He wasn't crying anymore. Just hurting. Whether it be physical or emotional pain, he didn't know; didn't seem to care one bit either. He had received a text. Seonghwa was staying with San for a few days so both of them could have time to each other; mainly so Hongjoong could figure things out and feel better.

And yet even after the years pass San and Seonghwa are still together. Hongjoong and Seonghwa were still best friends, and Hongjoong still loved him dearly. It hurt to see Seonghwa live his life with someone else, but not as much. Seonghwa would hold his hand again, hug him more often, and give friendly pecks on his forehead like always. Hongjoong never really hated San, never had a reason to. If anything San and Hongjoong had become friends.

Yes, Hongjoong continued to want to give Seonghwa the world; but Seonghwa had found his world. While Seonghwa's world wasn't him, he didn't care. No matter how much it hurt, Hongjoong would deal with it. Because Seonghwa's happiness was his.

**Author's Note:**

> It is 7:57am and I haven't slept in 15 hours I'm so tired but I had an idea and I needed to write it


End file.
